There are two proverbs which describe a similar behavior but result in polar opposite consequences and ultimately have very different morals:

The nail that sticks out gets the hammer

versus

The squeaky wheel gets the grease

Both describe an object which would be one of a group in some larger structure, which is somehow defective. But in one, the object out of step gets beaten into submission, whereas the other gets its needs met and returns to functioning properly. They aren’t exactly the same[^1], but I find the relationship between them fascinating. As someone who often feels like I don’t always fit in, and as someone who has lots of trouble asking for what I need, I feel like there’s a lot to learn from examining these two metaphors, and thinking through situations with this lens.

A nail isn’t nearly as important as a wheel

There are often orders of magnitude between the number of nails vs the number of wheels on something like a bookcase. If one of the wheels stops working well, it’s gonna be harder to move the bookcase. If one of the nails is bent out of shape, it can much more easily be omitted or replaced.

In situations where something isn’t right, it’s worth asking the question of whether the problem is really worth raising, or is it just raising a problem to either try to seem smart or be technically correct without much practicality. And it’s important to understand one’s positioning and importance when raising an issue - if you’re one of a hundred, your issue won’t be as important to address as it would be if you were one of ten.

Clear asks with proportional alarm, vs raising the alarm disproportionately with no explanation

The wheel has a clear ask and raises the issue without much burden (squeaking is annoying but not dangerous), whereas the nail sticking out is more dangerous and the most apparent solution to the symptom is to hammer it back into place.

In raising a problem, it’s important to communicate urgency appropriately - you can’t over represent or under represent the severity of a problem. And when it comes to raising the problem, there should be a clear ask for what to do about the problem.

Some problems may only have symptoms like nails moving out of place until total catastrophe.

There’s a lot to think about in advocacy of the nail too! Like, why is the nail sticking out? Maybe there’s too much weight being placed on the bookcase?

Sometimes there are severe problems that need to be raised, and there’s no clear way to solve it without a hammer, and you gotta raise it anyway and be the nail. You are almost certainly going to be hammered into place or removed/replaced, but if enough nails start to stick out, people will start to look closer at the structural integrity.

Know when to point out a problem, come with solutions, and be firm when the issue is serious.

I like to think of myself as someone who can identify problems ahead of time, and raise them by asking the right questions. I would love to be better at knowing what and when to ask for things, and being firm when I know the problem is serious.

[^1] I’m definitely stretching the nail analogy. It’s much more about societal conformance than it is about raising an issue. But in some ways I think sticking out from the crowd is often a way of communicating what you think should be different by living it.